I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
