Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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