is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you didnt know i had herpes?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
