Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
