using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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