i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
