There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
