Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
