so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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