He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
