I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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