You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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