fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
