So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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