I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
