Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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