I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you traded sex for a burrito?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
