Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
