i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
