I'm eating all of the evidence.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
