i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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