haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
