24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
