yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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