Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
