he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
