I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
