im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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