How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
