11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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