Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
