I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
