Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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