remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
