I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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