hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
