come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
