brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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