discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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