See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
