Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
