somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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