She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
