On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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