Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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