i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
