Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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