Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
