I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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