fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
