Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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