Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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