Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
