So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I wish there were birth control emojis
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize