glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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