i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
