I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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