He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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