Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
