after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
