it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
