Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
