I bet he comes in French.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
