We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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