so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
