There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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